Adults

Getting a thicker skin

One way to look at the changes that WebCAER produces is creating a “thicker skin” to protect you from emotional thorns. After working on issues with WebCAER they are just not as important or annoying.  This allows you to make a much more rational, systematic and therefore effective response. It is well worth your effort to use WebCAER to reduce your emotional reactivity across your life.

Within the WebCAER model of therapy, every bad feeling or inappropriate behavior is an opportunity to grow.  It gives you a starting point into a thread of things to work on. Whenever something bad happens, think of the feeling that went just before it. Go immediately to WebCAER and concentrate on that feeling.  Try to follow the feeling back across your life to all the other times you felt a similar feeling.

Since WebCAER is paradoxical, you want to conjure, wallow and soak into bad feelings rather than trying to control or suppress them. That is, while doing WebCAER, you want to feel, think and experience all of things you do not want to occur in real life. WebCAER washes those feelings away so you are no longer tormented by them in real life.

A couple of useful tools for generating the negative feelings are to take digital pictures of upsetting people, places and things. You can then display them on the screen while you work on WebCAER.

Another useful approach is to generate digital recordings of the things people say that annoy and upset you.  If you play these back while you are watching the lights, their ability to upset you will soon dissipate. The mechanics of how to create these images and sound files is explained below.

Parenting

There are at least two levels to apply WebCAER to parenting.

 The most obvious approach is to generate specific images and statements that provoke unnecessary bad feelings in the family.  For example, if your children say things that annoy you, “I hate you”, “Why do I always have to….?”, “I will do it later if”, “Why cannot I have a….?” etc. Have them record a sound file of those statements. You might also take a picture of them with an angry or plaintive expression on their face. Then put the picture on the screen and listen to the sound file while you watch the lights and conjure the feelings you feel in real life when these things happen.

Additionally, parenting is more than rewarding and punishing good and bad behavior. It is also about a life view that you impart by your behavior.

You can model negative view points such as: it is hopeless, you have to be devious and dishonest to get anything out of life, other people are stupid and dishonest, marriage is an unhappy burden full of fighting etc. Your children are going to internalize your negative point of view. Or, you can model a life view that says life is an exciting challenge with new frontiers and new ideas. It has hurdles, but each of them makes you stretch and grow.  This sets a positive template for how your children will live their lives.

WebCAER is a powerful tool for personal change that costs no more if everyone uses it than if just one person uses it. So, get your money’s worth and enjoy the benefits.

Marriage

Many marriage problems arise from things that spouses say to each other that are annoying, anger provoking or hurtful.  They set off chain reactions of alternating hurtful statements that escalate as each partner retaliates for the other persons comment.  Often, before long both partners have forgotten what the original issue was.  You can use WebCAER to extinguish these negative chain reactions that lead to arguments.

Each partner should make a five-minute digital recording of the things that they say to the other person that upsets that person.  If you don't know what you say that is upsetting, go ask your partner. Make a list of these phrases.

Common annoying phrases are : “What did you do with my….”, Why do you always have to ……”, “We cannot afford that……”, “Why don’t you ever help around here?”, “Stop whining about ….”, “Why are you late?”

 Make a digital recording of these phrases.  It is also useful to take a digital picture of the other persons face expressing these negative phrases.

As you do WebCAER have this picture of their face displayed and the soundtrack of their voice playing.  Use it to help you conjure the feelings and memories you have when one of these emotional chain reactions happens between you and your spouse. 

Weight loss

People overeat for emotional reasons.

Look through the catalog of food images and find one that seems appealing to you. Double click on it so that a larger picture of it is presented in the lower three fourths of the screen. Look at the image for a few moments and think about its texture, taste, smell etc. When you have a vivid experience of the food begin to watch the lights and listen to the music. Continue with this until the craving feeling is gone. Repeat the process as often as necessary, particularly when you feel an urge to eat.

Depression, anxiety, grief, loss, and low self esteem

Using the same basic approach as outlined above, you can work on a wide variety of emotional issues such as depression, anxiety, grief, loss and low self-esteem. The discussion of these issues will expanded in the future.